23 Sep

This past weekend I did a lovely craft show in Warrenville. I made these wonderful gnome finger puppets and sold them all too. I passed out more of the bumpers stickers. Retold Jacks story and listened to others tell theirs.

On Sunday morning I walked the show before it opened, saw all the other artist and how their marvelous works filled their tents. If it weren't for my friends wonderful clocks, my tent would have looked pretty barren that morning. I cried.

There was a time, despite working and caring for my dear Jack, that I filled those tents without a problem. The zeal for creating has been replaced by a tiredness. A tiredness born from living in Purgatory for the past 3 and 3 quarters of a year. It was bad enough that dementia changed all the plans that Jack and I made for our so call "golden years." But I was making new plans, how we could still enjoy our time together despite, well the ugliness and loneliness that dementia visits on a family. If only I hadn't fallen and broken my foot and ankle. If only the VA contracted with better nursing facilities. If only someone cared.

I work in Adult Day Care. When I open those doors in the morning, it doesn't matter if I have a headache or a backache or even a heartache I'm there for those seniors. To make them laugh, to hold a hand, rub a back, to be present for them and their needs. I don't understand why someone wasn't there for my hubby when I couldn't be. And why, after all this time Alden Estates of Naperville has still failed to do the right thing by him, accept responsibility and make restitution allowing the healing to begin for his survivors. It's as if this institution is not happy with the taking of one life, they want the families to continue to suffer. Perhaps their thinking is to have the lawsuit outlive the spouse. Who knows. It just seems as if this particular corporation of nursing homes doesn't understand, or care, that if there is no justice, there can be no healing. Only this tiredness from carrying a burden of being in a place where one should never been put in to begin with.

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